Hate- Day 9

Hate today... the fact that today is a special day... n you are no longer around with me... it means nothing to me now... its just a day... Althought you still remember... so what both of us remember? I hate the day... and I hate the day of next month, the next month and the next... You ask me to hate you, you hate yourself... so... its all fated... GOD's will? a GOD's test? I don't know... does not matter right? I hate myself for asking you again the forbidden question and make myself miserable again.... I rather I don't know the reality than the fact that you no longer feel me... Hate the day...

I wonder, if one of these days I been knock down by a car, diagnose of having cancer or tumor and is dying... will that knock your senses back? I guess even if it does, it will be more pity me than loving me.... But seriously, I hope it does happen... keep having dreams of me get knock down by a car and I called you to said my last word, 'I love you...' *scary*